I’ve thought of how to start this post so many times over the last few months and I’ve still not figured it out. The regular platitude of “happy birthday” just doesn’t cut it.
This isn’t a regular birthday. It’s a big one, if not the biggest one. Legally, you’re an adult. You’re emancipated. You’re officially free. (Not that I think, nor do I hope that you think, you were ever “imprisoned”.) But as you noted last night as your last friends departed from your party, you no longer need to ask permission to do things you want to do.
Stay out late? Yep.
Drink? Yep.
Do something epically stupid that’ll land you in jail? I suppose so…
Although I’ve quoted Homer Simpson so many times since you were little (“When you’re 18, you’re out of the house!”), and it’s taken a few too many years for you to realize it was a joke (seriously, you need to watch The Simpson’s), you’re still upstairs in your room and will continue to be for at least the next while. To a degree, how long you remain is up to you. (To a degree…)
But as I also mentioned last night, freedom is achievable only when you have the means to be free. And in our world, that means money. Even a simple one stocking shelves at the nearby Sobey’s (subtle hint) would give you more than enough to be able to some things without penny pinching.
You’re entering a period of your life where that freedom will both enable you and potentially put you in trouble. There are one or two more conversations you and I need to have. I’ll call them life lessons or warnings, however best you may take them. The goal is to ensure that you’re prepared for making … not “wrong”, let’s go with “painful” decisions.
The only thing I’m going to ask from now on is to let Mommy and I know where you’re going and when you’ll be back. Not because we need to know, but it’s helpful for when you’re deviating from expectations: you’re not going to school, you won’t be home for dinner as usual.
Staying out with friends until “late”? Just let us know.
Getting on a plane to visit a friend in Toronto? Just let us know.
Marching in the Pride Parade? Let us know so we can come down and cheer!
Needing to bury a body? Erm, maybe don’t tell us. Y’know, plausible deniability and all that. (Oh, and take Choo Choo. She’s seen every forensics show, she’ll know what to do…)
This something you should always be doing, if you’re staying under someone else’s roof. You’ve been under hours for 18 years, you may be under others’ as you go visiting, or renting a place (in which case, you’re with roommates; same idea applies). Always let those people know where you’re going and when to expect you back. It’s not just polite and respectful, it’s backup. It’s safety. It’s others who’ll have an eye out for you.
The only other thing is be helpful, especially if you’re staying/visiting with someone. Do the dishes, help cook, clean up, maybe a bit of yard work. Whatever is needing doing and you’re capable of doing it. You’ll be surprised how much credit a little helpfulness can earn.
Freedom comes with responsibility and respect. And, really, they’re tiny payments to gain an entire world. But also be free with yourself. Try to live outside of your boundaries. Embrace the fear of the unknown – the world is huge, and there’s a lot you don’t know.
Okay, enough posturing. You get my point.
Yesterday (I’m having to write this the morning after, ‘cuz I full out ran out of energy last night) was a doozy. Errands and chores to prepare for your friends to arrive at 2pm. And they’re a surprisingly punctual group.
Loud and brash (and slightly drunk, as most are 18), you laughed, you played games (your Kahoot was brilliantly done, I think), went for a run to the park like you were all a decade younger, ate dinner, opened some hilarious presents, did a D&D-adjacent piñata (the rolling for how many spins ended up being the highlight of the evening), and burned all your high school notes. While things got a touch messy at times, I don’t think I ever stopped smiling.
This was the first time you had a birthday that was truly friends-first. Yes, you had it here (to be fair, I’m not sure where else you could have had this without … difficulty). This will be the pattern going forward, most likely: you’ll see Mommy and I less and less, especially for major events like this. It’ll suck for us, but this is important for you. We’ll always be here for you, even if we’re half a world away.
You have amazing friends. They remind me of the ones that got me through high school. Keep in touch with them. Hang onto them. They’re touchpoints for your next phases of life. And I sincerely hope you look back at yesterday as one of the best days for many, many years to come.
Happy birthday, Monkey.
