Where does 20 years go?
For Alex and I, it was LavaLife. Yep, an online dating site. We’re one of those. To be fair, the real thing LavaLife did was connect two people who probably wouldn’t have met any other way – we didn’t travel in the same circles, we didn’t have any mutual friends, and short of going to Foothills Medical Centre for an emergency x-ray, odds are our paths would never have crossed.
That’s not to say everything went off without a hitch (well, until the hitch, that is). Fact is, I was still too immature. I hadn’t really dated until then, the bulk of my experience in the fairer sex was … well, I failed a lot. (Things you realize only in retrospect.) What Alex saw in me, I still don’t know after all these years. But I’m glad she did.
And no, it’s not a “in the blink of an eye” that time passed. I could produce a very lengthy list of things that we’ve done and experienced, but maybe I’ll hit the key points:
- Two wonderful children (one of whom is now an adult)
- Three houses and two apartments
- Lived in Costa Rica
- 8-11 jobs (depending on how picky you want to get) over 11-12 employing organizations (again, depends on how picky you are)
- Visited 10 countries (which, frankly is a lot lower than I had hoped a couple of decades ago)
- Visited all but one province (watch out Newfoundland and Labrabor, you’re next!)
- Survived the global financial crisis without losing our shirts
- Spent a lot of money on renovations (and no, I’m not looking at how much)
- 6 cars
- Somehow made it through the COVID-19 crisis without any serious effects (or being cooped up in the house together)
There’s so much more we could put in there. But you get the point. A lot happens in 20 years.
The next obvious question is: What’s the secret to a long marriage? To be honest, I don’t know. I think the biggest one is: Don’t pick fights. That doesn’t mean you can’t get angry or have a disagreement, but picking a fight just to have one? What’s the value in that? So you can “win”? The moment you place yourself above your partner, you’ve lost. That’s my perspective, anyway.
And that implies that you both need a lot of patience. And yes, you can be short on it, too, but in the long run you just have to give things time to smooth out. For all the little things that I’m have bugged the heck out of the both of us, if we let the wrinkles remain, we’d have had a much harder time.
Understanding. That’s a bit of a broader term, but it’s needing to try meet someone at least halfway and see things from their perspective. Their challenges, their jobs, their coworkers, that little thing that you do that drives them absolutely batshit and could you please see why it’s so annoying? (Folding towels. Believe it or not, that’s the only one I can remember, which Alex hated in me.)
Try to be surprising. That can be done any number of ways, but understand that you will fall into a pattern (heck, you could say “rut”) that makes you predictable and … well, dull. Do things out of the ordinary, do something you’ve not done before, wear a funny shirt. It’s not so much “keep them guessing”, but show that you’re always willing to be new, even in little ways.
Above all, enjoy life. It ain’t ever going to be perfect and there will be so many things that will disrupt those plans. And if you can enjoy life together, things will tend to be a bit brighter, a bit more vibrant.
Happy Anniversary, my love!
